pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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