I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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