Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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