You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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