you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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