remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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