I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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