Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize