chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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