So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
