my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Blood and glitter go together right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
