we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
