did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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