Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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