we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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