I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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