I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
