Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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