She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
