Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
