My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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