i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
