since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
