Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
