Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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