Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
