Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Couch. On fire.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
