ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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