I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.