your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up