Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????