Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.