I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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