The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
