My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
