If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
