u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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