Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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