she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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