I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize