It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
