Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
