threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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