Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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