??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
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he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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