lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
