I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
