I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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