I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
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Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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