VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
