How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
