Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
