I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
