ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
