i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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