I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
