We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
