if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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