MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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