The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
