I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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