You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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