Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
