I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
