omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
