there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
