Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
