forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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