I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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