then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
