I think my vagina is haunted
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
