Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
