I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
