BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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