Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
