the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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