I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
operation have a gay friend backfired
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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