Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
