I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
